>For Rent…the edits! LOL

>Halfway through the second edit of Rent now…and have cut a little over 3k so far. It is sincerely amazing how easy it is to cut sometimes and how incredibly hard it is to reword. LOL

Trying to replace forms of the verb “to be” is hard enough…getting rid of the overabundance of “had”s is near impossible! Take a look at this:

First draft:
“They’re going to kill me.” Harrison stared at the breakfast Crete had prepared and put in front of him when they arrived at the diner. His face drained of color as he pushed the plate away, shook out a fifth cigarette and applied his lighter with trembling hands.

Crete sat back in the booth’s plastic bench seat. His younger brother had a penchant for trouble, but never anything as serious as this. “We’ll go to the cops. You witnessed everything. You agree to testify to the dealing and the killing, and Barrows goes to jail until hell opens a water park.”

Second draft:
Harrison stared at the plate of eggs, bacon and toast Crete put in front of him. His face drained of color as he pushed the plate away, shook out a fifth cigarette and applied his lighter with trembling hands. “He’s going to kill me.”

Crete sat on the booth’s plastic bench seat across from his younger brother. Harrison had a penchant for trouble but never anything as serious as this. “We go to the cops. You testify to the dealing and the killing. Barrows stays in jail until hell opens a water park.”

Now, the question: is that any better??? I have no idea. LOL The right words and near right words…which ones are they?? Some changes are easier than others. And some changes are just changes–I can’t tell if they improved a thing.

To top it all off, my laptop is giving me the “blue screen of death” when I shut down…which is never a good thing. I’m backing up the manuscript stuff, but I’ve got to figure out today what is causing that or I won’t be able to work here one of these days–not to mention I won’t have a hair left on my head when I tear them all out. I can just see the big crash coming over the horizon–like Thelma and Louise’s car heading toward that cliff. And I’m the policeman running after it waving my hand in the air screaming, “Noooo!” LOL

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2 Comments

Filed under Life Interferes with Art, Rent-A-Husband

2 responses to “>For Rent…the edits! LOL

  1. >Yep. . . back up your stuff religiously! Also depends on your operating system. . .perhaps it just needs to be reinstalled?I thought the second one was much better than the first. Just add some smell to that breakfast and I’d be right there in with them. Perhaps the smell of the grease makes him a little nauseous when he remembers the murder. . .

  2. >Reinstall the operating system? Erica, are you trying to kill me?? LOL That is WORSE than the blue screen of death.The smell idea is good…I never remember to put the smells in.

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