>Apologies to those who like dogs


My stupid dog (a 1-year old Bassett hound) chewed up another set of ipod headphones. That’s 2 now.
Let me begin by saying I’ve never been a dog fan. They are hairy and bark and barf and crap…man. WHY would anyone want one??? The people who live here with me like them, however, and they outnumber me. So we have two dogs. I work hard not to kill them daily (the dogs, not the people).
Last night, holding my shredded headphones in my hand, I imagined all the ways I could kill the stupid mutt and not get caught. Rat poison–who does an autopsy on a dog, right? Drive her to the middle of nowhere and leave her. Let her outside without benefit of a leash near 5pm when the traffic is up.  Feed her antifreeze.
Uh…yeah. The thoughts kinda depressed me. Not that I like dogs…I really don’t. But I like killing things even less. Plus, imagining the kid’s sadness cinched it. Of course, I couldn’t kill the stupid dog.
So, the dog lives, and I’m off to buy another headset. Fortunately, they are pretty cheap.
By the way, the dog got onto the table to get it…I didn’t leave it lying around or anything. That dog likes to chew, that’s all there is to it. It has a million chew toys, and yet, it wants my stuff. I am considering a muzzle. Sadly, the people who live here with me don’t like that idea much. Of course, they don’t know about my murder plot or they might change their minds…


1 Comment

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One response to “>Apologies to those who like dogs

  1. >Do you know, I really love dogs but don’t own one and I may never own them because of the reasons you just wrote. They are really cute to look at.

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